[:en] newsletter

It’s a funny thing, but when you ask most adults we know what they want most this holiday season, they’re hard-pressed to come up with anything to put on their wish lists. Sure, we all make jokes like “a nap” or “a clean house” or “a vacation to Tahiti,” but when it comes right down to it, once you reach a certain age the gift-giving of the season is really for the kids. What adults are looking for, if we’re honest, is more of the intangible stuff: More time together, more memories, more peace.

The trouble with the gift-giving mindset is that it too often means that we either feel like we have to set our own desires aside in order to give to others, or that we wait and hope that someone else will see what we really want and make it happen for us. But why not change things up and give yourself the gifts you really want this year?

This December, we challenge all the stressed-out, overcommitted adults out there to give themselves the gifts of time, connection and peace (or at least, relative peace — let’s not kid ourselves that those 2-year-old twins are suddenly going to become quiet, well-behaved model citizens). Here’s how to engage the whole family in giving you the quality time you deserve this year.

Delegate dinner to someone else for a change. Maybe that’s the pizza delivery guy, or maybe you empower your first-grader to assemble peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone. Bonus points for using paper plates so there are not after-dinner dishes! Try delegating once a week this month, and use the extra energy to play table games or linger for a longer conversation together.
(Play The Craziest Gift to get everyone in the spirit of the season)
Take the opportunity to turn family dinner into date night. Sure, family dinners are for the whole family, and they have great benefits for the kids — but part of what stresses parents out at this time of year is the constant feeling that they’re pouring everything they’ve got into making the season magical for everyone else. Just for one evening, try putting the kids to bed early (or letting them sleep over at Grandma’s) and focus on a date night in with your partner. Lay out an indoor picnic and spend time together, so you’ve got more energy to give to the kids the next day.
(Get more ideas for connecting as a couple over dinner)
Disconnect — not from your family, but from your phones and laptops, at least for the dinner hour. If this is hard for you, aim for once a week to begin with and then see if you can work your way up. One family we know suggested a weekly “pioneer” dinner where they actually get rid of ALL modern conveniences while they eat. (Candles, anyone?) You might not go that far, but the idea could help you hold that tech-free space.
(Get more tips for going tech-free at the table)

This month, we’re talking to the McLaughlin family, who share their thoughts on how — and why — they’ve prioritized daily family dinners despite the challenges.

Real Family Dinner Projects: The McLaughlin Family »

Food

food

Take the night off and put the kids in charge of making English Muffin Pizzas for dinner!
English Muffin Pizzas »

Fun

Try one of our Top 10 ideas to make family dinner special during the holiday season.

fun

Conversation

Get everyone in the giving spirit with this Recipe for Conversation!

conversation

[:es] Newsletter October

October is a month of thrills and chills, when people delight in telling their favorite horror stories. While we hope that the family dinner table is a place for enjoying the fun and excitement of storytelling, we also know some families who would say that dinnertime has given them a few scary stories to tell!

Never fear — just as jack-o-lanterns can light up the night and Mom and Dad can check to be sure there are no real monsters under the bed, there are ways to banish the ghosts of family dinners past and make the table a fun, positive place for everyone. Here are our suggestions for tackling the “scary” things that might be keeping you away from the table.

We’ve heard from many people who tell us that they grew up with family dinners that have scared them away from the table as adults. Overbearing grown-ups, angry exchanges and force-feeding are just some of the memories on the list of horror stories we’ve heard.

If you’re in the “bad memories” club, these resources can help you get back to the dinner table for a much better experience with your own family:

Getting off on the Right Foot »
Creating Meaningful Conversation »
Taking the Stress out of Family Dinner (from the Washington Post) »

We’re the first people to say that going overboard on stressing manners at the expense of an enjoyable mealtime is a quick way to ruin family dinner for everyone. But on the other hand, no one can relax when the behavior at the table is truly out of control.

Try these tips to help strike the balance between “Elbows off the table” perfection and “Finger painting on the walls” rebellion:

Answering Real Moms’ Family Dinner Questions »
Make Your Toddler a Cooperative Diner »
The Origins of Manners »

And check out the “Common Challenges” section of our FAQ page for even more advice!

Too many families avoid eating dinner together because they are tired of dealing with a mealtime atmosphere that feels more like punishment than family time. Whether it’s teens who won’t talk, sibling conflicts or conversations that always seem to end in arguments, any constant source of tension at the table is bound to scare people away.

Explore ways to make dinnertime safe and welcoming for the whole family:

How to Beat Tension and Conflict from Your Family Dinner »
Steps to Ease Dinner Stress for Stepfamilies »
Making the Most of Dinner with Adolescents »

Meet the Elder family! Kathy is a teacher who uses her own family dinners as inspiration to help her students and their families.

Real Family Dinner Projects: The Elder Family »